The Money Talk Nobody Gave Us

Raise your hand if you grew up hearing some version of this: “That’s grown folks’ business.”

How much does the rent cost? Grown folks’ business. How much do you make? Rude. Why are we arguing about the light bill? Go to your room.

For a lot of us, money was the loudest thing in the house and the one thing nobody explained. We felt it in the tension at the kitchen table. We just never got the words for it.

Why our families stayed quiet

Let me say this first, with love: the silence usually wasn’t neglect. Sometimes it was protection. Parents didn’t want kids carrying adult worries. Sometimes it was pride, or shame about not having enough. And sometimes nobody talked about money because nobody had ever talked to them about it, either.

You can’t pass down a lesson you were never given. That’s not a character flaw. That’s a cycle.

What the silence costs us now

Here’s the bitter part. The silence follows us into adulthood, and it gets expensive.

We don’t ask what a job really pays, so we accept the first number. We don’t ask a friend how she paid off her loans, so we struggle alone. We don’t ask what a retirement account is, because we’re embarrassed we don’t already know. We sign things we don’t fully understand because asking feels like admitting we’re behind.

Meanwhile, in families where money is dinner-table conversation, people learn the rules early. Not because they’re smarter. Because somebody talked.

I’m a first-generation college graduate and the daughter of an immigrant. School gave me a lot, all the way to a PhD. But nobody handed me a script for talking about money. That’s #WhatTheyNeverTaughtUs.

How to break the silence, one conversation at a time

Now the sweet part. You don’t have to become a financial expert to start. You just have to start talking. A few places to begin:

• Talk to yourself first. Write down what you earn, what you owe, and what you own. Out loud, on paper, no judgment. You can’t fix what you won’t look at.

• Ask one “rude” question. Ask a trusted coworker or friend what they know about pay in your field, or how they started investing. Most people are more willing to share than you think.

• Make it normal at home. Whether you live with a partner, roommates, or family, pick a calm time to talk about goals, not just bills. Money talks go better before the crisis, not during it.

• Say what you’re learning. When you figure something out, share it. A sibling, a cousin, a friend. That’s how a family’s money story changes: one person decides to stop whispering.

Silence kept the peace. Conversation builds the wealth.

I teach financial literacy because I want my students to grow up with the words we didn’t have. But this isn’t only for the next generation. It’s for us, right now, at whatever age we finally decide to ask.

That’s the real money curriculum.

So tell me: what was the money rule nobody explained in your house? And who’s one person you could start a real money conversation with this month? Drop it in the comments.

About the author

Dr. Arlene Garcia, PhD, is an Afro-Latina educator, author, and speaker. A first-generation college graduate and the daughter of an immigrant, she earned her PhD in Criminology from The Graduate Center, CUNY. She has taught social studies since 2000, including financial literacy, and has been adjunct faculty at John Jay College, Mercy University, Westchester Community College, and Bronx Community College. She owned and directed a Sylvan Learning Center from 2018 to 2025 and serves as president of the AAUW Danbury Area Branch.

Keep going: If you want the step-by-step version, my book Abundance Unleashed: The Money Moves Edition walks you through the money moves nobody taught us.

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